When the Sun Comes Up, I'm Gonna Be Holding You
by AtLoLevad
Summary: After Erin's attack, she gets the chance to fall apart and not be okay for a minute.


Erin was tired.

The beer probably wasn't helping.

But she couldn't seem to put it down. Even though she shouldn't have been drinking it in the first place.

But, she justified to herself, she'd be knocked on the head, bound and gagged, and almost raped.

She _deserved_ a beer.

"Should we order food?" Jay asked eventually. He was slumped on the couch, looking completely exhausted. His beer was held loosely in his left hand and his right hand was lazily flipping channels with the remote.

"Hmm?" Erin hummed absently, one hand coming up to trace the angry red line on her neck.

Jay watched her carefully. "Food? Want to order in?"

Erin's fingers stilled against her neck. She frowned and swallowed, her throat feeling a little raw from the knife's pressure and her screams.

"I don't think..." she sighed. "I'm not hungry."

"You sure?" Jay asked, consciously keeping his eyes on the TV. Erin could be like a caged animal sometimes. He didn't want to put her on edge.

She half shrugged, sinking lower onto the couch.

Her fingers continued to skim over the cut on her neck, even as she downed the rest of the beer.

Jay watched as Erin stood up and headed for his fridge. She popped the cap off of a second beer and drank half of it at once, standing right in front of the fridge.

"Er..." Jay said warningly. She'd made him promise to look out for her sobriety.

"I deserve this, Jay," she snapped, eyes flashing with anger. Off of Jay's surprised look, she cast her eyes to the floor, embarrassed.

"I'm sorry," she mumbled.

"Maybe grab some water?" Jay suggested. He'd learned not to say "it's okay" after Erin apologized, especially when she was apologizing for being mean. She was good when they were at work, but when they got home, a lot of her old demons came to play.

She sighed and nodded. "Yeah."

After dumping the rest of the beer down the sink, Erin poured herself a huge glass of water and sat down next to Jay. She leaned against his side and he wrapped his arm around her shoulders.

His thumb gently rubbed against the edge of her t-shirt sleeve.

Something about Jay's touch, the comfort, brought tears to Erin's eyes. Before she knew it, she was sobbing.

"Hey! Whoa!" Jay exclaimed, leaning forward and twisting so he could face Erin. "What's the matter?"

Erin sobbed helplessly and shook her head. She had no idea what had brought on the sudden hysterics.

"Hey, okay," Jay reached out and gently took Erin's face in his hands. "It's okay. You're okay. Er, come on. Take some deep breaths."

He brushed the fast falling tears away with his thumbs as Erin struggled to breathe evenly.

"Erin, Erin, look at me," Jay commanded, using as firm a voice he could manage while still tamping down his worry.

Erin forced herself to look at Jay through her tears.

"I don't know what brought this on," Jay said. "But you're fine. If this is about earlier, you're safe. I've got you."

She let out a loud sob and flopped forward, her head falling into Jay's chest. Jay wrapped his arms around her and squeezed tightly, hoping Erin would understand that she was safe with him.

"Bad time to remind you about taking backup?" Jay teased, trying to break the tension in the room. He could feel Erin's tiny chuckle under his hands.

Erin wrapped her arms around Jay's waist as she stopped crying. She'd been through so much _shit_ the past six months. And then to top it all off with today? She was overwhelmed.

She shifted so she was half sitting on Jay's lap and her face was buried in his neck. He kept his arms around her, occasionally kissing the top of her head.

"I couldn't get out," Erin whispered.

"Huh?" Jay frowned, eyebrows furrowing in confusion.

"He...I was tied up and if you hadn't...I would've...he would've...and I couldn't fight back," she exhaled harshly.

That's what was bothering her. The fact that she couldn't fight back, that she had been stupid enough to believe Tawny and go alone.

Jay couldn't really think of what to say. Erin was right. If he hadn't shown up, he didn't know what would have happened.

"That's not on you, Erin," he said finally. "You would've fought if you could. I saw you, you resisted. You're a fighter, Erin Lindsay."

She sniffled against his neck. Right now she didn't exactly believe him, but she'd get there.

Sobriety and dealing with grief were hard enough.

Jay pulled on her hand, "Come one. Let's go to bed. You need sleep."

Feeling heavy, Erin allowed Jay to drag her into his bedroom. She dropped to the mattress and leaned back, too tired to care about changing from her work clothes.

"At least take off your jacket," Jay laughed, stripping down to his boxers.

"Mmm...too tired," Erin groaned.

Jay sighed, mock exasperated, "Fine. I guess I'll have to help. Roll over."

Erin complied and Jay gently pulled off her jacket. Discarding it to the floor, Jay climbed onto the bed and pulled her close.

Erin tucked her head under his chin and inhaled his uniquely Jay scent.

"I'm so proud of you, Erin," Jay mumbled on a yawn, his arms wrapped securely around her back.

"You're doing so good," he said quietly.

And despite today, despite the dark cloud that she'd tried so hard to hide since Nadia's death, Erin maybe believed him.

With Jay's arms wrapped around her, Erin felt strong enough to do anything.

* * *

 _A/N: Eh, my feelings about Chicago PD and the storylines are well known by now. They drop a lot of plot points and don't let things play out for the appropriate time period. So, i try to fix the crap they write with fic. This is one of those._

 _I wrote it fast, since I've been working, so it may not be the greatest._

 _Drop a review and let me know what you think. Enjoy! :)_


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